Kai’s Birth Story
“Women should birth where they feel the most comfortable. We need to remove the fear and stigma from homebirth because it’s a safe and valid option.”
As a first time mom I was super excited to welcome my baby to the world at home.
Home - where I had the support of people I chose to be with me. Where I felt comfortable. Where I was not on anyone’s clock and could follow my own time for things to progress. Where I felt free - to move, drink, eat, rest, be. Where I felt surrounded by positivity and trust in my body.
To me, the decision to have a homebirth had roots in a few places inside me. It brought an invitation for a mindful pregnancy - allowing myself to be in touch with the power within me in the rawest and honest way; deep dive into my fears, creating space to embrace and heal them; and most importantly - to give bub a safe, gentle, and loving entry to this world; and to give me a safe, gentle, and loving birth experience in the most natural way possible.
I felt fully present in the magical experience of pregnancy, mindful of what was going on in my mind and the decisions I was making. As my belly and bub grew, so did my confidence and happiness with the possibility of having my baby at home.
Kai’s birth took a turn, and on the 3rd day of labour I decided to transfer to the hospital. But I will never forget those days at home and the teachings of it - patience, presence, intention, intuition, trust. Intense days, lifelong lessons.
This is our birth story….
I have been meaning to write these words for a while now… I’ve looked over and over again into the timeline I built to make sense of our story, and watched uncountable times the video of Kai coming earthside, and yet, it seems like there are no words to fully describe how I felt, how I feel.
It wasn’t a straightforward birth, and it will probably take some time to integrate all that it was, but the more I write and share about it, the more I heal and embrace this beyond-imaginable experience.
𝗣𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝟭 - 𝗛𝗼𝗺𝗲
05th May
As we approached the 40-week mark (the due date was 06th May) we were so certain that bub would cook for a little longer. I was betting on the 09th May and hubby, Honza, on the 16th. But we think Kai got the memo and had other plans!!
Early labour contractions started at around 7:30pm on Thursday, 05th May.
I remember well that day, that week actually. I went to my favourite restaurant, did a lot of yoga (I can’t even begin to describe how much the practice helped me through pregnancy and birth), went for a swim, danced, rested plenty!! But on that Thursday afternoon, I felt I needed to take more belly pictures - I remember thinking “if today is the day, I want to have more pictures of this belly.” I took plenty!
Honza got home, we had dinner - I wasn’t very hungry and barely ate, and soon the tightness I had been having - Braxton Hicks - for the past 6 weeks or so became stronger and sharp.
I knew something was happening. Felt different.
I texted Kira, our private midwife, and Virginia, our doula, around 8:30pm to let them know contractions were 10min apart, lasting about 40 seconds not long after they dropped to 5min apart lasting 1min-1.5min.
While I was managing my emotions, Honza was setting up everything in the living room.
Around 9:30pm I asked Virginia to come. When she arrived, I was on my knees hugging the pouf in front of me and breathing through the surges. Not long after that Kira was on her way.
Around 10:30pm was the first time I felt sick and started to throw up. Usually a good sign things are progressing and the body is cleaning up. After that, we put the tens machine on (it worked well for me - at least at the beginning), and from that moment on things got super blurry and I can’t remember well the timeline of labour at home.
I spent all that night, the following day and night, labouring at home. On my hands and knees, on the toilet, standing anywhere when a surge came, in the pool, in bed, in the shower…
Bub didn’t seem to be in the best position, so we’ve tried several spinning baby techniques (which are done during contractions ) - forward-leaning inversion, side-lying release, walcher, abdominal lift and tuck, and the list goes on and on. We did a lot! And, although these techniques can be great and have a positive result, to me they were one of the most challenging things I’ve ever done in my life, and I’m not quite sure if all of them were helpful at that time. Not gonna lie … it was more than intense, it was the most pain I’ve ever felt.
06th May
During the day seemed like the contractions slowed down and I honestly can’t remember a thing…I just remember that I had the tens machine for way too long and started to hurt me more than help me. Over the second night, things picked up again and we thought “this is it”! I jumped in the pool and concentrated on what was happening within me.
Time passed, no idea how much… but I was tired, feeling dehydrated (I had thrown up 3 more times and a lot since the first time and wasn’t drinking or eating much) and I couldn’t pee anymore as my bladder was totally squeezed. At that moment I needed to know how far we were. I asked Kira to check me, 7cm.
07th May
Sun was almost out again and since I had urinary retention, Kira did a catheterisation. Not comfortable by itself… but at the same time I had an intense surge. It all felt too much for me - I was in despair and my mind was sending messages to my whole self to make it stop!
I decided that was enough. I didn’t feel I had the strength to keep up with that intensity, but more than anything, with the tiredness.
Bub was being monitored throughout the whole time, and was happy!! The heartbeat was great; nothing indicated otherwise. He was just taking his time.
I knew it was a patience game, but it had been 2 and a half days already, we’d tried many different things to progress labour, I’d had many emotional relievers throughout this time, and I felt like I had no more to give.
The four of us had a chat and I decided to transfer to the hospital. I was set on an epidural the moment I got there.
I remember well packing up things for the hospital transfer (we were so confident we would stay at home that having a bag ready didn’t even crossed my mind before)… it was a sad moment. Deep inside, I was comfortable with this decision, but at the same time, I couldn’t help but feel sad that it was happening. I voiced earlier in labour that this was my biggest concern, and there I was, choosing it. I could see Honza’s face, he was sad too. Supportive and caring, as always, but sad knowing I wasn’t going to have bub at home as I dreamt of.
𝗣𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝟮 - 𝗛𝗼𝘀𝗽𝗶𝘁𝗮𝗹
On our way to the hospital, around 7:30am, contractions picked up again. Kira came with us and stayed until the last moment. I can’t thank her enough for that!!
The hospital midwife put me on fluids straight away, and I was introduced to the “happy gas”. Must say… a big fan!! Got a real kick from it and the structure of breathing helped me feel calmer. And just like that I felt fresh!!! Game changer!!
I felt ready to keep on going like that so I cancelled the epidural and got into the zone once more.
For the first couple of hours in hospital we felt the move was a great decision for us! We were happy with the midwife that was caring for us, the setting of the room, the gas… it felt like we were supposed to be there and things were looking positive! Contractions picking up and the change in scenery combined with regaining my energy made a huge impact on my mind and how I was perceiving the moments to come. I felt strong again - I can do this!!!
Unfortunately, that didn’t last long.
At 9am the hospital midwife checked me and I was still at 7cm. I was not too concerned about it and just followed the flow of my energy and contractions. But then, at 10am, a doctor burst into the room, speaking loudly and fast about how my labour wasn’t looking safe - that it was taking too long, not “normal”.
I was in the middle of a strong surge, and she kept going on and on about interventions and pressuring me to get my waters broken right there and then. So disrespectful on so many levels…
I remember saying firmly I didn’t consent to have my waters broken and Honza, even more firmly, asked her to stop talking. Her disruption was the first of the day and it was, without a doubt, the reason why things slowed down again. Honza asked the midwife to ensure this doctor wouldn’t come back. She didn’t. But took me some time to get back into it.
After that, I decided to wait until 1:30pm for some progress, and if not much happened, I was opened to have my waters broken by the lovely midwife that I was caring for us up to that point in the hope bub would move to a better position and get things going.
1:30pm arrived, I was 7.5cm. I had my waters broken and we got some news - the baby had pooped in my womb, and there was a potential risk of him swallowing meconium. We were told that in this instance, a doctor should be present at time of birth.
I kept going … surges were different, and I began to feel the urge to push. These surges felt better to navigate. I could do something with the energy and felt good! Seemed like I was progressing!
Around 2pm there was a change in the shift of the hospital staff and a new midwife and doctor arrived. I haven’t been able to pee the whole day and again we needed to do an urinary catheterisation.
It was about 4pm when the new doctor came into the room - I was in the zone sitting on the toilet and they wanted to chat about my “lack of progression” in the bedroom. Again… disruptive and disrespectful. They asked Kira to leave the room (they said she was influencing our decisions and made us feel very uncomfortable), and, long story short, they wanted to give me an epidural and induce labour. The way they communicated was by a very threatening and fear-based language. There was no care or empathy, only their agenda. I could sense the clock was ticking so I consented to do an ultrasound to make sure bub was in a good position - all was well - and I compromised and agreed to have the CTG monitoring constantly - purely to give us the space, gain time, and minimise interruptions. The Baby’s heartbeat was good!
After that, I was extremely down and felt defeated. All that negative talk made my contractions stop, and I was done.
In front of the hospital staff, I was confident, but between me, Honza and Kira I was asking for a cesarean! I went into the shower and told Honza that I couldn’t do it anymore and I wanted a c-section…
𝗣𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝟯 - 𝗕𝗶𝗿𝘁𝗵
“There is a tipping point in birth where you have to make a decision. And it’s whether you will run away from your body’s waves of power or if you will dive into it.”
Honza, again, was amazing! I always cry when I think about how amazing he was! He stayed strong with our intuition that all was well with bub and our intention to bring him earthside in the most natural way possible. He didn’t only hold the space for me…he never let go of my hands, and he pressed my back in every contraction for the past few days; he was my biggest advocator. He held my hope, my confidence, me.
I’ve never felt so much love, care, and presence like I did from him during this experience.
In the most loving way, while Honza held the shower on my back, he reminded me that I was so close and we would soon meet our baby. He brought me back to the zone. So much love, oxytocin pumping!
It was about 5:30pm, I was navigating the waves on the toilet and Kira invited me to check myself and see if I could feel the baby’s head. The moment I touched it I could feel it !!!!!! I remember my face of surprise and the excitement of both Kira and Honza!! Bub was coming!!!
Even though we had the hospital midwife trying to make the monitor work and saying all the negative stuff (all was well with baby) my energy and mind were fully focused on the surges. Honza was in front of me, kneeling in front of the toilet, holding my hand, and helping me to stay present and intentional. I was very vocal with every urge to push - not a scream of pain, a roar of power! The more I allowed it to take over me, the closer I felt to hold my baby!
I then moved to the bed, all fours, and it got even more real!! That was it!
When I looked around, I couldn’t believe how many people there were in the room. I understood the doctor would be there, but there were at least 10 people… I decided to ignore it.
It wasn’t long and bub’s head was out. It took so much control, focus, and connection to my body and breathing! Honza was cheering by my side as I could touch the baby’s head. I needed to control myself badly not to start bursting into tears. I waited for the next urge to push and…
At 7:03pm, almost 72h later, I was birthing our baby on hands and knees, and next thing I know is Honza screaming, happy, emotional - “IT’S A BOY!!”
Best surprise ever!!
We did it !!!!!!
𝗣𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝟰 - 𝗞𝗮𝗶
This part is the most emotional for me - and the reason why it took me so long to summon the courage to relieve it and integrate as part of the experience.
Kira managed to film the birth but also the moments following that - and it breaks my heart to watch.
I turned and laid on my back to hold our beautiful baby Kai in my arms. He felt very floppy. He was struggling to give us a good cry, and the staff quickly became very intense with the rubbing trying to make him cry. I said several times “please, be gentle”. They clamped the cord straight away and made Honza cut it rather quickly - not giving much chance for Kai to get the oxygen that was still pumping. A few moments after, the doctor asked to bring baby to the table to help him breathe.
His lungs had a lot of fluids and he was working really hard to breathe. Kai went straight to the nursery as he still needed help breathing.
Honza went with Kai and Kira stayed with me while I had a controlled cord traction (a shot to pull the placenta out) to prevent the risk of haemorrhage, and get a couple of stitches - I had a second-degree tear.
I was feeling flat. I couldn’t cry, or feel emotional. Just flat. I couldn’t believe I had just birthed my baby, yet he was not on me. It felt empty.
It was only when Honza returned, giving me good news Kai was doing well and was stable that I got out of this flat state. Honza was happy! He didn’t think for one moment something would go wrong, he was always positive. His attitude made me feel positive and happy too!
It was only Kira, Honza and me were in the room, and I remember holding their hands, crying, and saying thank you!! I couldn’t have done it without them. And the gates of happy tears opened for all of us.
Kai was given antibiotics in case he had swollen meconium (more as a precaution- the results came back a few days later, negative). Around 11:30pm Kai was transferred to a more specialised hospital. As he was recovering so well, by 4pm the next day, for our first Mother’s Day, I had him in my arms, breastfeeding beautifully, and getting all the skin-to-skin, cuddles, snuggles, kisses, and hugs I was so long waiting and wishing for!
We stayed 3 more days at the hospital for observation and brought him home the night of the 10th of May.
I look at Kai and my heart melts! I feel so lucky he has chosen me. I’m so grateful that, even though we had a bumpy start, he is healthy, strong, and soooooo loved.
